Lots of Whos in Minersville like meth a lot.
But The Grinch who sold it, he just got caught.
On Friday, cops from Minersville, the County and Saint Clair,
busted in on The Grinch and said, “Put your hands in the air!”
Darrin Lynch, they call him The Grinch.
With meth and a scale, police had him in a pinch.
Eight hundred bucks, a ledger book for transactions – he had a real operation.
But if they find him guilty, he faces lengthy incarceration.
Police were not done, there was more to find.
Upstairs they went and found The Grinch’s wife inside.
Getting real high with a wad of dough,
Police informed her, it was off to jail she’d go.
Back at the station, the Grinch’s stuff in abundance,
A NIK test revealed that meth was the substance.
It was off to Plachko’s to file the charges.
Now The Grinch sits in the jail, kinda near Sarge’s.
Boo-hoo say the Whos who bought this guy’s meth,
But police may have prevented their untimely death.
This drug is a scourge; it’s no laughing matter.
It won’t be the last bust, based on the chatter.
When will it end? Never, we suppose.
So long as people keep putting this meth up their nose.
Sequels generally suck, right? Luckily, the Grinch let us test that theory not long after his initial arrest …
When we last heard of The Grinch, he was off to the slammer,
And for his meth customers in Minersville, it caused quite a clamor.
But it didn’t take long for The Grinch to leave jail,
Just two months in lock-up, someone posted his bail.
In order to avoid a really bad sequel,
The Grinch had to live life, tidy and legal.
You’d think he’d learn his lesson and keep his nose clean,
But he got back to old habits, selling meth in glassine.
Up until Wednesday, he had quite the business,
But police suspected he was being malicious.
They arrived at his house like the warrant demanded,
And caught the mean old Grinch filthy red-handed.
Alone in his cellar, The Grinch got busted,
But cops would find more in his car, old and rusted.
Cash and a scale were in his basement,
And his meth-dealer business cards made quite the statement.
That wasn’t all, for in his Impala,
Police found more evidence, enough to appall ya.
In the false bottom of some Morton Salt,
The Grinch hid his drugs so it was off to jail by default.
But before he got his three hots and a cot,
The Grinch had to stop for one last mug shot.
Tonight there’s no meth sold by Darrin Wayne Lynch,
A lengthy incarceration is likely a cinch.
The judge told The Grinch at his arraignment,
Prepare yourself for a lengthy detainment.
At 25-thousand straight cash bail,
His meth dealing days are over, a total FAIL.
Minersville’s streets are cleaner today for all 24 hours,
Thanks to the police work of one Jeffrey Bowers.
But give credit to others, forgetting them is silly,
Like state narco agents, County Sheriffs, and police in New Philly.
But wait … There was a three-quel when police revealed to us his business cards. Yes, his business cards.
But The Grinch, as you know, was a marketer, too,
With ambitions far bigger than his criminal IQ.
When police hauled him in, they were shocked by the haul —
Not just meth in glassine, but business cards and all.
Cards for a meth dealer — oh, what a sight!
Black cardstock so gaudy it glowed in the light.
His DBA name? A trademark violation:
“Snow & Ice Removal” — pure misrepresentation.
With spelling mistakes that would make teachers cry,
“No pile to big,” printed bold, far and wide.
And beneath his weed ad, another disgrace:
“Avalible year round,” misspelled right in your face.
It’s no wonder the Whos — and police — cracked his scheme;
His branding was sloppy, his grammar obscene.
This card screamed “I’m a Grinch with no business finesse,”
A true all-flash/no-substance criminal mess.
But he wasn’t deterred — no, he printed once more,
A second edition now crisp, white, and more.
Correct spelling! Correct grammar! A rare Grinchy feat —
A glow-up in cardstock that looked almost elite.
Sure, he still stole the Grinch image without hesitation,
But at least this card showed some mild concentration.
Too bad that his proofreader couldn’t fix the fact
That his whole icy empire was built on an act.
** What you just read is based on a real news story. This article was originally published in January 2020. It has been remastered with new imagery. **
Subscribe to Coal Region Canary
Get email updates from Coal Region Canary by becoming a subscriber today. Just enter your email address below to get started!Support Coal Region Canary
Like our reporting and want to support truly local news in Schuylkill County? Your small donations help. For as little as $5, your contribution will allow us to cover more news that directly affects you. Consider donating today by hitting the big yellow button below ...