Is Florida Man Any Match for Schuylkill County Man … in a Machete Fight?
Florida Man gets plenty of attention nationwide.
It’s part of what makes Florida so Florida.
To prove our point, take a look at some of the best Florida Man memes featuring Florida Man headlines and think … yeah, that could just as easily be believed if it read “Schuylkill County Man”.
Florida Man Memes
Look at this try-hard.
OK, maybe not the worst idea but we’re a nation of laws. Well, we’re also a barbecue nation. Hmm … jury’s still out on this Florida man.
Honestly, we’re not sure this isn’t just a mix-up and is a local story. We’ve got a news team on this one …
We told yous guys yous need to lay off the meth.
Not All Florida Man Are Bad, Right?
Ya know … the more we look into this, the more we kinda find ourselves siding with Florida man. At least in some cases. Don’t judge us. Coldplay sucks.
About what we said just then (about giving Florida man a chance) …
Yeah, we don’t even think Schuylkill County is capable of anything like that.
OK, that’s just one Florida man. He doesn’t speak or act for all Florida man. There are some with redeeming values:
He probably just wanted to make sure his family had enough to get through the winter.
This guy, all he wants to do is stop living paycheck to paycheck. Seriously, if members of Congress can legally get away with insider trading, what chance does Florida man have out there?
Florida man is just misunderstood. He’s the fall guy, really.
Florida man isn’t psychic. How could he know how they got there? Happens to us all.
We shouldn’t look down on Florida man. You need to be ready to give the guy a cha-
Cmon now, Florida man. Surely there are enough women in the state that we can leave the flamingos be?
Never mind … back to your flamingos.
Florida Man in the Kitchen
Maybe we need to get Florida man out of the bedroom. The idea of them breeding at this point is scaring us.
Perhaps they can keep their hands busy in the kitchen without ending up on the news.
Or perhaps maybe not.
Maybe someone else’s kitchen?
No, that won’t do. Luckily, we don’t have a Chili’s around here.
We’re a burger and fries kind of people, right?
Problem is, no one cooks a good burger anymore. And you don’t have to tell Florida man about that.
Florida Man is Just Like You
We’ve been particularly harsh on Florida man here. It’s not fair.
After all, outside of the sex with tropical birds, drug-fueled rage, how much different is he from you?
He loves his dog.
He likes a cigarette with his coffee.
Florida Man knows Saturday is for the boys, no matter where the boys are.
He’s not gonna let the man keep him down. No sir!
And Florida man is clearly a sucker for love.