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Schuylkill County News

Someone Stole a BAG of Toilet Paper (and Other Stuff) from Giant at Cressona Mall

STOLEN BAG OF TOILET PAPER

 

State Police are trying to figure out who did a Supermarket Sweep (more like a Supermarket Swipe) through the Giant grocery store at the Cressona Mall earlier this month.

And after reading the police report on this alleged theft, we’re trying to figure out this whole toilet paper in a bag thing.

Police say the unknown thief or thieves walked out of the Giant with about $167 in merchandise. According to information from the PSP-Schuylkill Haven barracks, the theft was reported back on March 13, just before 6 p.m. Whoever’s responsible got away in a Chevy Spark.

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Someone Stole a BAG of Toilet Paper from the Giant at Cressona Mall

Among some of the items stolen were some rather ordinary grocery order items:

  • Dozen eggs
  • Carton of chocolate milk
  • 12-pack of Sprite
  • 12-pack of Coke
  • Case of water
  • Bag of Cheetos
  • Bag of Sun Chips
  • Bag of pet food
  • Roll of paper towels

And there were some odd things to get at the store if you’re planning to steal groceries (because normally you’d think someone might steal the necessities and not such an odd assortment of items), like a $10 bottle of shampoo, reusable grocery bags, and a bag of wonton wraps.

But one item, in particular, caught our attention.

It’s a $15 “bag” of toilet paper.

That’s right. A bag … of toilet paper.

Now, at that price, police probably mean one of those big value packs that you can get now, in 2021, but at this time last year, there wasn’t a spare to square.

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The Giant recently had a big display of toilet paper on sale and it was multiple multi-packs and they were sealed up in a plastic wrap that, if cut carefully, could be seen as a bag-like object. Again, that’s just presumption on our part.

Because there’s no such thing as a bag of toilet paper, right? Toilet paper hasn’t changed and we missed the news, correct?

That, like a lot of things, reminds us of a Seinfeld bit. Actually, a couple of them.

Remember that time George wondered what they did for toilet paper in the Civil War?

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Jerry suggested they may have handed out big loose clumps of toilet paper to soldiers. He also wondered by Costanza was so worried about toilet paper.

“Everything with you comes down to toilet paper,” he said.

To satisfy his curiosity, Jerry says they should open a toilet paper museum: “We could see all the toilet paper advancements through the ages: toilet paper during the Crusades, the development of the perforation, the first six-pack.”

Later in the series, George knows that he’s got a keeper of a girlfriend because she was “fascinated, fascinated” by his conversation about how toilet paper, for the most part, hasn’t changed through the years.

Jerry and Elaine say it has: “It’s softer. More sheets per roll. Comes in a wide variety of colors.”

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