Santa Claus Puts Schuylkill County Commissioners on the Naughty List

Santa Claus addressed Schuylkill County Commissioners on Wednesday, putting two of them on his Naughty List in 2022. (Coal Region Canary Mobile)

Santa Claus, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, put two Schuylkill County Commissioners on the Naughty List this year.

No, this 2021 was not a good year for Commissioners Chair Boots Hetherington and the former Chair George Halcovage, according to Mr. Kringle’s list.

Commissioner Gary Hess was not addressed by Father Christmas on Wednesday. But despite where each of the guys landed on his list, Santa had toys for all of them.

Santa Claus Addresses Schuylkill County Commissioners

Now, we’re not one to dox anyone, especially Santa Claus, but in the interest of transparency, we’re pretty sure the man under the big red suit was Palo Alto resident and likely 2023 Commissioners candidate Jeff Dunkel.

He used his typical 3-minute allotment of Public Speaking time this week to try and get the Commissioners board room in the Christmas spirit. Well … at least for a few seconds he did.

When it was his turn to speak, Dun … rather, Santa moseyed down the incline in the board room toting a gold sack. He wished everyone a Merry Christmas, complimented Boots’ navy blue Santa hat, and then got his holidays mixed up, apparently, and started reading his Festivus Airing of Grievances.

“Boots, unfortunately … you’re on the Naughty List this year,” he bellowed. “George, we all know where you are.”

Apparently, this year, Santa isn’t holding back.

He rattled off his list of reasons why each should be on the Naughty and not Nice List this year. We’ve all heard the reasons through the course of this past year.

They weren’t the only Courthouse officials on Santa’s $*** List either. Solicitors Al Marshall and Glenn Roth along with Administrator Gary Bender also drew Kringle’s ire in 2021.

“We’re not allowed to receive gifts.”

For their part in the scene on Wednesday, the Commissioners took Santa’s speech in stride …

Hess had a look of “What the …” on his face, fortunate to have avoided Santa’s japery.

Boots mostly kept his head down and Halcovage kept direct eye contact with Santa.

After Santa finished listing the reasons why the Commissioners and others were where they were on his scroll, he reached into a gift sack and began presenting each of the trio some gifts.

For Halcovage, Santa handed him what appeared to be a toy doll, a female doll of color, to be exact. That’s a nod to a recent concerned citizen who questioned the County’s practice of hiring minority employees, or actually not hiring them.

As Santa handed it to him though, Halcovage briefly interrupted to say, “We’re not allowed to receive gifts.”

That didn’t phase Kringle much, who then just placed the doll on the bench in front of the Commissioner.

Santa then reached into his magical bag of gifts once more and produced 3 microphones, which he set in front of each of the Commissioners. He said he wanted them to have the mics to finally improve the audio quality – which he referred to as a “Dollar Tree audio system” – on the virtual meeting feed through Zoom. If you’ve listened, you’ll know the mics are needed.

That was it for Santa though. Even he is subject to the 3-minute time limit for addressing the Commissioners.

COURTHOUSE COVERAGE:

• Schuylkill Commissioners Approve 2022 Budget Amid Controversy
• Halcovage Investigation in State House Set to Begin Jan. 11

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